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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

This week’s post isn’t about writing. I thought I’d better tell you that straight away so you could decide to move on to something more useful if you like.

Although I think this is kind of useful, in a way – it’s a Bloggers for Peace post really, so it has that in its favour!

Today marked the third monthiversary of my wedding (yes I know it’s not a real word but I’m working on it :-)). We decided when we got married that we would mark the day each month, make sure we did something special, or if we couldn’t for some reason them we’d at least think about our marriage in a conscious way. How long this’ll last is anyone’s guess but we’re trying!

Monthiversaries

 

Us with our bubbly stuff on our honeymoon!

It’s important to focus on people we care about. Last year I got back in touch with a friend who I hadn’t seen in 18 years and it’s been such a lot of fun getting to know each other again and catching up on the years – yesterday we went out for a girl’s night and we didn’t stop talking the whole time.

It made me think what a shame it was to have lost contact in the first place.

It was also a reminder how easy it is for contact to fall away.  You haven’t called someone in a month or so, and it stretches to six months, then a year, and finally you feel it’s too long, or you just stop thinking about that person altogether.  Life is like that.

But there have been lots of times when I’ve heard from someone out of the blue and it’s been such a pleasure that we instantly pick up contact and meet up or talk more regularly.

So celebrate your relationships, raise a glass to your monthiversaries, but don’t forget the person you haven’t spoken to in a few months.  Finding lost friends is worth just as much celebration!

Be peaceful,

EJ

🙂

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I have to say right at the start that I was uncomfortable with this month’s challenge, which was to address an enemy.

I don’t have any enemies.  Perhaps people perceive me as their enemy, I don’t know, but I don’t have that intense level of feeling for anyone personally. I might have felt anger at times, as I’m sure we all do, but I have neither the time nor the energy to invest in someone I do not like.  I’d far rather use that energy to enjoy the company of those who enrich my life.

There’s a difference in my mind between a personal enemy and an ideology that I oppose.  Ideologies are not human, they do not choose a path – they are an excuse for behaving in a particular way.

There are things that make me angry, and people who are powerful and cruel whose actions revolt me, and much of the world we know was created on the backs of the weak.

But this creates a feeling of injustice, and of sadness, and not a list of enemies.

With all these thoughts about the nature of an enemy floating around my mind, I doubted my ability to pull any sort of post together, and I worried that whatever I said would sound too trite, too simplistic to be meaningful.

And I decided this was where I should focus my attention: not on people, but on the worry and doubt that get in the way of just doing things. It might not be the purpose of the exercise, but it’s meaningful to my writing life.  

If you look at the meaning of enemy in the free dictionary, it includes this definition: ‘something destructive or injurious in its effects’

Doubt, fear and worry sometimes feel like playground bullies, taunting me over each submission, blocking me when I reach for an envelope, forcing me to read, and re-read, each e-mail, or blog post, or letter.  

They are the reason I have a pseudonym for this blog.

They are the underlying cause of embarrassment when I read my poetry.  They are the reason I defer and defer submissions until I literally have to publicise a date to do these things.  They seem cruel, and unfair, and unfeeling – and they are part of me.  Am I really my own worst enemy?  Are they truly destructive or injurious?

I reflected on that idea for a while, and in the end I decided not.  There’s no malice from emotions; they are warnings and signifiers but they are not sentient, they are not thoughtful.  Whatever impact my negative emotions have on me, they are part of why I am who I am. They are as much me as my skin, or my hair, or my teeth.  And they haven’t been done to me, either.

I’m not suggesting I am always accepting, and certainly the last few months have tested me in many different ways.  Nor am I suggesting that emotion are entirely nature, not nurture.  Many emotional responses may be the direct result of experience, both good and bad.

Nevertheless, hating my emotions is about as useful as hating my freckles, or hating my ear lobes.

I am learning to channel those fearful, doubting thoughts – and to value them. Without them, in a strange way, I’d never have written anything.  Emotions are what make writers write, or painters paint, or singers sing.

All in all, this month’s peace post is a bit of a strange one.  Enemy is such a strong word, I really believe it should be reserved for those occasions where someone’s behaviour warrants its use.  That way, it retains its meaning.

Happy writing,

EJ

🙂

B4Peace Central

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Today, I allowed myself a bit of time off work for a (very long) skype session with one of my best friends, who currently lives a few thousand miles away.  I was a bit worried about the time out, as this month is packed both socially and work-wise, but it’s always lovely to catch up.

So instead of just focussing on the novel planning today – I only did about an hour on that – I had the bright idea of using the skype conversation as the inspiration for a new short story.  I thought about the sadness of being separated from people for a while, but then moved on to a more uplifting (hopefully!) juxtaposition that inevitably occurs when people are a long way away.  Basically the story tells a tale of different experiences, and how they are shared between people.

This was not strictly on my project plan – I am supposed to edit and send four, not write new ones – but I have thought about doing a piece based on long-distance relationships before so it sort of fits into my month of neglected projects.  If I get it finished in the next 29 days I could of course send it off!  I just have to be careful not to add any more things to my list…

Tomorrow I must get back on track with the planning as I am away this weekend and although I will be writing, I will be working on other pieces so I want to leave it very close to complete.

Wish me luck!

Happy writing,

EJ

🙂

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